The Dangerous Friend Zone
If there is one place that marks the kiss of death it’s being “friend-zoned”. The worst feeling is caring about someone but being forced to watch from the sidelines as they continuously fall in and out of love with everyone but you. No one wants to hear those words, “You’re such a good friend” because they are usually followed with long days of suffering, listening to sappy Adele tunes, and finishing off an entire tube of Ben & Jerry’s. Now this isn’t something that only us women go through; if anything I would argue that it is more common and almost worse for men. Don’t believe me? Well I decided to look up this term in the urban dictionary and here’s what I got:
Friend Zone: A state of being where a male inadvertently becomes a ‘platonic friend’ of an attractive female who he was trying to initiate a romantic relationship. Females have been rumoured to arrive in the Friend Zone, but reports are unsubstantiated.
Rough times guys. So I took it upon myself to ask my friends, both male and female, on what their thoughts were on being in the friend zone, and how (if possible) they can get out of it.
So, I’ve got this one friend that has been friend zoned so many times he believes that he can write the manual. For him breaking out of the friend zone is simply a matter of using his “3-Step Plan”.
Step One: Break Out of The Nice Guy or Girl Role
You’ve heard the saying, “nice guys finish last” well for my friend this is a literal truth. He believes that when you put others needs above yours you are sacrificing your own happiness. Sometimes you’ve just got to man up and go after what you want even if you may lose their friendship. You need to be honest about your feelings instead of hiding. I call this step the one for the “Risk Takers”. I mean really, how can you expect to succeed without putting yourself out there?
Step Two: Lose The Desperation
Ladies, listen up, this one’s for you. The last thing a man wants is a needy girlfriend, let alone a needy friend that happens to be a girl. You do not want to come off too strong; people can typically smell the desperation of others. You’ve got to take control and show them that they would be so lucky to have you.
Another thing you want to look out for is placing your crush on some unrealistic pedestal. Just because you’ve liked them from afar for so long does not mean that they are perfect. Everyone’s got flaws, so the minute you accept theirs we’ll have made some progress. Once you take that step back and relax you can examine why it is that you like them. You don’t want to create this fantastical world where you are turning your friend into something they’re not just because you’re lonely and want something romantic in your life. I call these people the “Rationales”.
Step Three: Get Touchy Feely
To me, this just may be the most important step. There are certain touches and feelings that can send shivers down my spin and although you may not think your friend can dish them out you may be wrong. Just think; when you see your friends what do you do? Hug, high five, or kiss each other’s cheeks? Now insert those with the casual and soft touch of hair, shoulders, legs, and back. Yep, shivers. And you can’t just wait for the invite, you’ve got to initiate these actions, or else nothing will get done. It’s the only way to give subtle motions to show that you’re attracted to them. I call these people the “Manipulators”, because let’s be honest, anyone that can control the sexual tension in the room is a god.
I have this other friend that argues that the worse thing you can do if you are put in the friend zone is to stay in that persons life. She believes that if you do this you will grow to hate that person because you can’t understand why they don’t appreciate what’s right in front of them. You’ll begin to feel as though you are not good enough or that they are just taking advantage of you and that is something that no one wants to live with. For her, if you can’t tell them how you feel or they reject your feelings, the best thing to do is walk away with your head high. You gave it your all and you deserve better than to just sit on the sidelines waiting for something, right? Perhaps your patience will work out in the end but can your heart seriously take the pain and potential years of waiting? I call these people the “Courageous” because it takes a lot of courage to admit the truth and walk away if you know it won’t work out.
So hopefully these ideas and experiences have helped you guys out. As I said before, the friend zone is not an easy place to be in and an even harder place to try and escape from. Good luck to all and remember to keep room in your heart for someone who feels the same way about you, whether you’re the Risk Takers, the Rationales, the Manipulators, or the Courageous.